♫ Here's a story, of a man named Ed ♫

A few days ago I finished my last private English lesson here in Phnom Penh. It was actually sad saying goodbye to Tainglim and Rosa, whom I've been tutoring for the past six weeks.

I came by the position in a somewhat strange manner. After responding to a forum post, seeking an English tutor, I was contacted by an immigrations lawyer here in Phnom Penh named Wayne. He had a client that was engaged to a Khmer woman... she couldn't speak much English, and he spoke no Khmer. Could I teach her some English, Wayne wanted to know. Red flags immediately went up. An American man wants to marry a Khmer woman, although they can hardly speak to each other? Hmmm. In this part of the world such a recipe usually calls for an aging man who is for some reason(s) unappealing to western ladies, and a pretty little young SE Asian woman who is most likely quite poor, with visions of American glitz and glamour in her eyes.

Now, I happen to believe that everyone is entitled to their own little slice of happiness, whatever that slice might look like, so long as it doesn't infringe upon someone else's right to a slice. But, I also gotta be honest... partnerships like those have usually left me feeling a bit skeevy.

Feeling hesitant about helping to usher along such a union, I tepidly agreed to a meeting, and hoped that I could better asses the situation face to face. Here's the cast of characters at that meeting:

• Wayne: The lawyer. An American who's been living in Cambodia for over 10 years. Mid-forties, stocky, tan, with sandy blonde hair, and a booming lawyer voice that rarely stopped expounding overly self-assured statements. (Please, tell me more about how I should teach English.)

• Ed: The Groom. An older American man, whose motives were under surveilance. Early fifties, thinning dark brown hair, and a tall build. His voice was friendly and his smile was genuine. (Noted.)

• Tainglim: The Bride.  A Khmer woman, looking to be in her mid to late thirties. Dark hair tied back, timidly smiling eyes, and the typical small build of these parts, clothed in a polished and classy white blouse/black skirt combo.

• Yours truly: The Teacher. Balancing an act of trying to sell myself to potential employers, whilst sussing out the intentions of such employers.

• A Khmer assistant of Wayne's whose name I didn't catch, serving as the translator for Tainglim.

As the meeting progressed, I learned this couple's story. Ed was previously married, for over 30 years, when tragedy struck. His wife suffered a brain aneurism, and unexpectedly died. Suddenly single and at a loss as to how to be alone, he struggled without a partner. Much to his surprise, the woman who cut his hair offered an idea. "You should meet my cousin. She live Cambodia. Very sad because of no husband" she stated. With little more than that Ed and Tainglim were introduced over Skype, while the hairdresser translated. As their interest grew, he tried to learn Khmer, but due to an injury in his brain a few years back, retaining new language was nearly impossible for him. She avidly studied to improve her English. Within a few months, this man who'd barely set foot out of the US before, was on a plane to Cambodia. Tainglim was still living in a rural province at the time, in her family's home, (a place that I can only imagine redefined 'rustic' to Ed's unworldly eyes). He stayed in Cambodia for two months, went back to the states, and when I met him he was into his second month of his second visit here, eagerly working towards his goal of bringing Tainglim and her 10 year old daughter back to California with him.

At the meeting, the two of them sat before me, smiling and convincingly affectionate. Was it a show? Did they love each other? Or, was it simply a mutually beneficial arrangement... wherein he would receive an affectionate partner to grow old with, and she would receive a new life full of adventure as well as a plethora of opportunities for her bright young daughter? The more I watched them, trying to figure out my own thoughts, the more I realized it didn't really matter. Based on my instincts, there seemed to be absolutely nothing untoward going on. Beyond that, it dawned on me that it simply wasn't my place to judge whatever the foundation of their relationship might be.

Terms were set for the lessons I'd be giving, and the meeting was adjourned. Over the next few weeks I taught Tainglim and Rosa simultaneously, while Ed actively watched and helped wherever possible. Tainglim's English was painfully low, and Rosa's wasn't much better. Pretty much all communication was a major struggle in the first few lessons, but eventually we found our stride.

Ed left to go back to the states again two weeks ago. Tainglim seemed quite sad that he'd left, and they talked over the phone 4-5 times a day. (Several times he called during our lessons.) They both know that the statistical chances for her American Visa being approved are about 50%... at best. Photographs were taken during some of our lessons, every agreement was documented, and I was asked to write a letter declaring my experience of knowing them. All these will be submitted to the Embassy along with a mountain of other 'proof' that they're in a committed relationship. She is desperately trying to learn English at breakneck speed (in addition to her lessons with me she is also attending an English class here about 20 hours a week). All so that when she is called upon to interview at the Embassy, they won't question her union with Ed based on a lack of communication abilities.

Most likely, the higher ups that work for the powers that be at the American Embassy... will find reasons to question Ed and Tainglim's relationship. With their magic red stamp, they wield a mighty power: complete control over the lives of these three people, permanently and irrevocably.

Given a cursory glance, their story is quite similar to many others in this region. More and more, Asian women are being sought out as a 'sure thing' for Western men looking for a partner. Are there negative repercussions to this trend? Absolutely. Daughters are being separated from their mothers and their entire culture, which no doubt has a lasting impact. Additionally, Cambodian bachelors are unfairly forced to compete with Western men offering the sun and stars. But, hey, since when is all fair in love and war? To me, when you look at one of these stories up close and personal, it's painfully obvious how human and understandable their wants and needs are. It's funny how relationships like these are often referred to as a 'marriage of convenience'. From first hand knowledge, let me tell you, there is nothing convenient about the process that Tainglim and Ed are going through.

Personally, I'd like to wish a heartfelt 'good luck' to Ed, Tainglim, and Rosa... no doubt you're going to need it in order to claim your slice of the happiness pie.